Step-Parent Integration and Resilience Questionnaire (BF-Step-Parent-IRQ-24)

A free, 24-question self-assessment written specifically for step-parents. It takes about five minutes and gives you a total score plus four subscale scores, so you can see what is working well in your blended family and where more clarity, connection or support might help.

What this questionnaire measures

The questionnaire looks at four parts of the step-parent experience: your bond with your stepchild, your sense of belonging in the family, how co-parenting is working, and how conflict is handled at home.

Communication and bonding

Whether you and your stepchild are able to have meaningful conversations, or whether there is distance between you. Bonds between step-parents and stepchildren form on their own timeline and rarely on the one anybody expected, so a low score here is common early on rather than a sign that something has gone wrong.

Integration and sense of belonging

Whether you feel welcomed and valued in the family, or like an outsider in your own home with a role nobody has quite defined. This is the single most common thing step-parents describe, and it is often invisible to everyone else in the household.

Co-parenting and collaboration

Whether the adults involved present a united front and talk openly, or whether co-parenting feels fragmented and disagreements keep recurring. Step-parents often carry responsibility without matching authority, and this subscale looks at how that balance sits for you.

Conflict management and support

Whether disagreements get worked through constructively with support from your partner, or whether conflict is draining and leaves you feeling isolated. Feeling alone during conflict is a different problem from the conflict itself, and this subscale separates the two.

Who this questionnaire is for

Any step-parent in a blended family, at any stage — newly partnered, years in, or somewhere in between. It is written from your point of view, so it captures your experience of the household rather than an objective measure of it. That is the point: the step-parent's experience is the one most often left out of the conversation.

For a view from a different seat in the same family, there is the all-parent well-being questionnaire, the biological parent assessment, and the child assessment. Families often find it useful to complete more than one and compare where the pictures differ.

How it works

You answer 24 statements on a five-point scale, which takes most people about five minutes. There are no right answers and nothing is timed.

When you finish you see your total score, your four subscale scores, and a plain explanation of what each one suggests. You can have a copy emailed to you, and if you are working with a therapist you can have it sent to them as well.

What your score means

Total scores run from 24 to 120 and fall into three ranges.

Severe strain (24 to 57)

A score in this range usually reflects some combination of disconnection from your stepchild, an unclear role in the family, friction in co-parenting, and conflict that is emotionally draining. It does not mean the family is failing. It usually means several things need attention at once, and that outside support is likely to help more than trying harder on your own.

Moderate strain (58 to 91)

Communication is inconsistent, you feel partly but not fully included, co-parenting is sometimes aligned and sometimes not, and tension is present but manageable. This is the most common range, particularly in the first few years of a blended family.

Low strain (92 to 120)

A strong emotional connection with your stepchild, a clear and valued role in the family, effective co-parenting, and conflict that gets resolved constructively. A score here suggests the family has found something that works — worth protecting rather than assuming it will hold on its own.

What this questionnaire is not

This questionnaire is still in development and has not been validated through formal scientific research. It is designed to prompt reflection, and it should not be used as a diagnostic tool or as a substitute for professional evaluation.

A low score is not a diagnosis and a high score is not a clean bill of health. If anything in your results concerns you, the right next step is a conversation with a therapist who works with blended families.

Other assessments in this series

Alongside this one we offer the all-parent well-being questionnaire, the biological parent assessment, and the child assessment. You can also browse all of our self-discovery tools.

Working with us

Learn more about what we do, read answers to common questions, or meet our team.