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Plant Shadow
Alyssa Bayus

Alyssa Bayus | Blended Family & Couples Specialist

Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
My Story: Reading the Room in a Blended Family
 

My parents divorced when I was born, so I grew up moving between homes, rhythms, and emotional climates.
 

Over the years, my family system kept shifting—multiple divorces, step-parents, half-siblings, and constantly renegotiated roles. I learned early what it feels like to be the kid in the middle of adult decisions, to adapt to different rules in different homes, and to wonder where exactly you “fit.”
 

From an early age I learned to listen closely—to notice small cues, shifts in tone, and unspoken needs.

That constant translating between people and households became its own kind of training, teaching me how to understand and attune to the nervous systems around me.

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Now, as a blended family and couples therapist, that same sensitivity helps me read what’s happening underneath the surface—behind the eye rolls, silence, sarcasm, or distance—and put words to it in ways that help all members of the family feel seen instead of blamed.
 

This work started for me inside a real blended family, not a textbook.

Marriage: Lessons from the Inside


I spent more than twenty years in a marriage that became a deep teacher—showing me so much about attachment, conflict, boundaries, and the tender truth that real change only lasts when both people are willing to look inward and try new patterns together.
 

And when that marriage ended, the divorce became its own initiation. I had to start again—slowly, honestly, and with a courage I didn’t know I had.
 

That experience didn’t harden me; it expanded me. It taught me that rebuilding is possible, that beginning again can be an act of wisdom, and that life after loss can be deeply alive and meaningful.
 

I also have personal experience developing a healthy and collaborative co-parenting relationship with my previous spouse. I know what it’s like to navigate schedules, negotiations, and big emotions while trying to protect the kids in the middle. I understand the challenges children face when moving between homes—from both the perspective of the child I once was and the adult I am now.
 

Those years softened and steadied me.

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They made me practical, grounded, and clear about what truly helps people grow and stay connected—and what just creates more pressure and guilt without real transformation.
 

I don’t come into the room as someone judging your relationship or your family from the outside; I come in as someone who knows how complicated love, loyalty, and “family” can be on the inside.

Motherhood: Living the Real-Life Juggle Systems

 

I’m the parent of three wonderful kids: a 17-year-old and twin 15-year-olds, each of whom learns and relates differently.
 

Our home has had its share of overlapping homework, emotional ups and downs, shifting routines, sleep issues, and the ongoing work of right-sizing expectations so we’re not all living in chronic disappointment.
 

We’ve chased accurate diagnoses, weighed medication trade-offs, and rebuilt routines as they grew. I also understand the emotional weight of kids moving between homes, different rules in different households, and trying to create stability in the middle of constant transition.
 

That lived experience has shaped how I work with blended families: I understand what it’s like to try to hold a relationship together while parenting, co-parenting, blending step-relationships, and dealing with former partners, extended family, and the sheer tiredness that comes from being “on” all the time.
 

I don’t see couples or families in a vacuum. I see you in the full context of your actual life.

How I Help Blended Families & Couples


I specialize in working with blended families—parents, stepparents, and children—who are trying to build something healthy and real after divorce, loss, or major life transitions.

I help families:
 

  • Create connections in homes where people didn’t all start out together.
     

  • Reduce conflict and tension between adults (and between kids and adults).
     

  • Build homes where everyone feels seen and valued, even when roles are complex.


My passion comes from knowing, firsthand, that in blended families no one really “replaces” anyone—there’s simply more space and more people to love, but that only works when the system is handled with care.

What we map together:
 

  • Communication patterns: pursuer/withdrawer cycles, shutdowns, escalating arguments, or “we never really talk about anything real.”
     

  • Emotional styles: who tends to go logical, who goes emotional, who shuts down, and how that dance plays out in a blended family.
     

  • Conflict habits: how you fight, how you avoid fighting, and what happens afterward—especially around parenting, step-parenting, and ex-partners.
     

  • Expectations and resentments: where each partner (and sometimes older kids/stepkids) feels overburdened, unseen, or taken for granted.
     

  • Stress load: parenting, step-parenting, work, health, extended family, finances, legal agreements, and custody schedules—what’s weighing you down and how it impacts connection in the home.


What we build:

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  • New ways to talk about hard things that don’t immediately turn into blame or withdrawal.
     

  • Rituals of connection—small, repeatable moments that rebuild warmth and safety over time, especially between stepparents and stepchildren.
     

  • Conflict repair tools so you can come back together after things go badly, instead of letting distance harden.
     

  • Practical agreements about roles, responsibilities, and decision-making that feel fair enough to both partners and realistic within custody and court orders.
     

  • A shared language for differences (temperaments, parenting styles, histories) so misunderstandings stop turning into character judgments.


How we work in session:
 

  • Short, plain language; concrete skills; measurable follow-through.
     

  • One page of “what we’re trying” each week—small, repeatable, testable.
     

  • Accountability and empathy in the same room: we honor each person’s experience while still asking everyone to do their part.


Methods I draw from:
 

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
     

  • The Gottman Method
     

  • Psychoeducation and practical skills for communication, conflict, and repair
     

  • Habit and routine design that respects how stressed, busy blended families actually live


Results you can expect:
 

  • Fewer blowups, faster resets.
     

  • Less guessing, more predictable ways to reach each other.
     

  • Systems and habits that can survive real weeks, not fantasy ones.
     

My Approach with Blended Families
 

I provide a compassionate, structured space where families can:
 

  • Strengthen communication between all the key players (parents, stepparents, and sometimes older children/teens).
     

  • Build trust slowly and realistically, instead of pretending everyone feels “like family” overnight.
     

  • Create a sense of stability together, even if schedules and households are still in flux.
     

I work to empower each family member, helping them navigate complex dynamics and fostering resilience so the entire family system—not just one relationship—can thrive.

Neurodiverse Couples & Neurodivergent Parenting
 

Beyond blended family work, I also have specialized experience with neurodiversity—both personally and professionally.
 

In my own family, ADHD is a major part of our daily life, and autism is part of our extended family. I understand the sensory, communication, and executive-function layers that can make relationships and parenting more complex—especially in blended homes where there are already many moving parts.
 

For couples where one or both partners are autistic or ADHD, or for parents/stepparents raising neurodivergent kids, I offer:

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  • Support in understanding different processing speeds, social needs, and sensory preferences.
     

  • Tools for reducing day-to-day friction around routines, planning, and follow-through.
     

  • Language that helps you shift from “won’t” to “can’t yet under these conditions,” which lowers shame and blame.
     

If you suspect neurodiversity is part of your story—or already know it is—we can integrate that into the work in a way that is respectful, practical, and strengths-focused.

License & Employment Information
 
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