Adam Kootman | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT) Blended Family Specialist

At a Glance

Divorced dad and co-parent. His daughter has two homes.
Went to co-parenting therapy with his daughter's other parent. Years later, his daughter has a stable life in both households.
More than 15 years in one relationship before starting over
Knows the work of rebuilding after a family changes shape
Autistic and ADHD (AuDHD). Understands how different brains collide during big transitions.
Couples therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy. Focuses on the pattern, not the blame.
Works with single parents, co-parents, stepparents, and couples bringing two histories together
LGBTQ+ affirming. Neurodiversity-affirming.

When a Family Changes Shape

Nobody plans for their family to split into two homes.

Even when separation is the right decision, there's grief in it. For the family you pictured. For the routines that ended. For the childhood your kid won't have the way you imagined it.

Then comes the hard part. Building something new while everyone is still hurting.

Two households. Two sets of rules. Tense handoffs. New partners. A kid trying to figure out where they fit.

Blended doesn't mean broken. A family living in two homes can still be a stable family.

I know that from my own life.

Two Homes, One Kid

My daughter has two homes.

Her other parent and I eventually went into co-parenting therapy, and years later we have built a stable life for her across both households.

That took work.

I had to learn how to communicate directly, regulate myself when emotions were high, let go of things I could not control, and accept that another person can experience the exact same situation very differently than I do.

None of that happened overnight. But it's real, and it has lasted.

These days, when my daughter and I are together, we're usually hiking, climbing, or out exploring somewhere.

Starting Over After a Long Relationship

Before all that, I spent more than 15 years in one relationship. We got married, became parents, and eventually divorced.

Divorce forced me to figure out who I was outside of a relationship I had been in for most of my adult life. Dating again made me think differently about intimacy and attachment.

So when a parent wonders who they are now, after a long relationship, dating again, or as half of a co-parenting team, I know that territory.

Why Co-Parenting Gets So Hard

For a lot of separated parents, the conflict isn't really about the schedule.

It's about two people who have been through something painful still having to work together. Often while their nervous systems are on high alert.

A late text gets read as disrespect. A change of plans feels like a power move. A child comes home upset, and each parent quietly blames the other house.

What helps is slowing down. Getting curious about what's really going on. Building ways of communicating that hold up even when emotions are high.

You don't have to become friends with your ex. The goal is two homes that both feel safe for your kids.

Bringing Two Histories Together

If you're building a blended family with a new partner, you're not just merging households.

You're merging histories. Loyalties. Parenting styles. Old hurts.

One of you may feel like an outsider in your own home. The other may feel caught between a partner and a child.

As a couples therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, I help partners see the pattern they keep getting caught in. Then reach for each other instead of away.

When the couple at the center is steadier, everything else gets more workable.

When Different Brains Are Part of the Picture

I was diagnosed as autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) in my late 30s.

Looking back at my own long-term relationship, I can see neurodivergence showing up long before I had language for it. Forgetting something that mattered. Getting overwhelmed and shutting down. Feeling things intensely.

Transitions are hard on every family. They're harder when someone in the family processes change, noise, and emotion differently. A parent. A stepparent. A child.

A second home. New routines. A new adult in the house. For some brains, that's a lot of input at once.

Being AuDHD doesn't mean I know what anyone else's neurodivergence feels like. There is no single ADHD experience or autistic experience.

I know my brain. My job is to get curious about yours.

How I Work

My work is emotionally focused, attachment-based, LGBTQ+ affirming, and neurodiversity-affirming. I'm trained in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), with a psychodynamic, trauma-informed foundation.

With blended families, I work on two levels.

The practical. Communication plans. Handoffs. House rules. What to do when the next text arrives.

And the emotional. The grief, loyalty binds, and old hurts that make the practical stuff so hard.

Who I Work With

Separated and divorced parents learning to co-parent across two homes
Single parents rebuilding after a breakup or divorce
Couples bringing children from previous relationships into a new family
Stepparents who feel like outsiders in their own home
Parents dating again and figuring out how a new partner fits in
Families where a parent or child is autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent
Adults figuring out who they are after a long relationship ends
LGBTQ+ parents and blended families

What to Expect in Session

I'm practical and direct. I don't take sides.

Sessions can include one parent, a co-parenting pair, or a couple building a blended family. Whatever will help most.

Neurodivergent needs are welcome. Movement. Time to process. Less eye contact. Written summaries when they help.

Some sessions are about the next hard conversation. Others are about the longer patterns underneath. Either way, we go at a pace you can manage.

When nobody understands what is happening, everything can start to feel personal.

Training and Education

Education:

M.A. in Clinical Psychology, Marriage and Family Therapy emphasis, Pepperdine University (Academic Honors, 2026)
B.A. in Psychology, California State University, Northridge
A.A. in Psychology, Santa Monica College

Training:

Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) Essentials 1 & 2, International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
Attachment and ADHD: How ADHD Traits Shape Attachment Bonds in Couples, LA-CAMFT
Taking a Sexual History: Unlocking a Client's Past, Los Angeles County Psychological Association
Sexuality After an Affair, Los Angeles County Psychological Association
Dream Analysis: Jungian Origins and Clinical Application, LA-CAMFT
Cultural Competency in Dementia Care

Clinical experience: Individual, couples, and group therapy with adults across private practice and community mental health settings, including an adult day program and counseling center supporting adults and older adults through anxiety, depression, grief, life transitions, and cognitive change. Mentor and employment specialist for neurodivergent young adults, supporting executive functioning, self-advocacy, emotional regulation, and confidence at work.

Approaches: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT and EFIT), attachment-based therapy, psychodynamic and person-centered therapy, and trauma-informed care, with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing when they fit

Before therapy: More than a decade as a professional musician, songwriter, and composer, including four full-length albums, U.S. tours, and music for film, television, and advertising

Professional memberships: ICEEFT; American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT); California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT); Los Angeles County Psychological Association (LACPA)

Affirming care: LGBTQ+ affirming and neurodiversity-affirming

Specialty Areas

License

Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT) #164632, California Board of Behavioral Sciences
Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers

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